To my husband on our wedding anniversary, tonight was our 13th year. I say this as if you are still here because the memories invade my days and sleep does not give me respite.Yes it is hard and every day is painful as there are reminders in everything I do from opening a drawer, walking through the grocery store or sitting in the dentist chair. I am still expected to do these tasks the every day mundane pay the bills kind of thing. And I do them, forcing myself to get out of bed when all I want to do is stay under the covers, ignoring the world. But I don’t get to because I choose to stay here, to live, and with that to figure out how to be ok, how to navigate the feelings I have. I know I will be able to because of the amazing family and friends I have around me. Friends that knew you and family that loved you. So I will be ok eventually…eventually.But for now, tonight as I stepped outside and saw the moon I knew it wasn’t for me. Just another reminder. I know I won’t always feel this, that someday I will be able to enjoy the same things that right now cause me sadness. Eventually. Each day and moment I learn something knew about you and me. Overwhelming but I am coping.
I miss you and I love you. I wish you peace.