Because I Want To Sin….
I just spent a couple of hours talking to my mum for her 71st birthday. Yeah life is not so good when you get old but she is doing really well. Retirement upset her schedule and sent her to depression but the meds seem to be working, so all is good.
Surprise of surprises, she is still a devout pentecostal evangelical adherent. No, I will not disrespect my own mother. Not going to happen. But the conversation at one point did turn to ‘end times’ talk. She wants me to say that I’m ‘saved’ to feel fulfilled as a mother. I hate depriving her of that feeling.I asked here about end times such as Mathew 24:34 when Jesus indicates that all will come to an end before his generation is dead. She said she didn’t remember and would look it up and get back to me. Things like that usually stop her from ‘witnessing’ to me. Still, it’s sad.
In fact becoming atheist is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I no longer can say that ‘jesus is not done with me yet’ or other trite sayings that give believers a get out of jail free card. No, I have to own everything I’ve ever done, good and bad. I have to own every time that I was an asshole, every time that I hurt someone. I have to own that. Becoming an atheist meant that I had to personally own it. I had to step up and say that yes, I was an asshole, I’m sorry. I have to live with every bad choice I have ever made… and it’s not a small number. I have to own my life and be responsible for all I have done and will do.
Being an atheist is not easy. Not at all. I did not do it just so I could sin. I became an atheist and now I have to own every one of those sins. I’m responsible now, and it makes me a much better person.