Except, I’m not sorry.



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  1. Ramen

  2. My hair looks just like that. Wild.

    I took on the internet yesterday on Fet and I held my own. I used logic and my own opinions to stand my ground. I was not an asshole, but I did not back down when others tried to be asshole-ish to me. I wish you were on Fet so I could show you the conversation and the essay I wrote. It provoked a ton of comments.

    • Talk of religion normally does that. I’m glad you feel good about it.

      • Actually the convo was about copyrighting and reposting of pics outside of Fetlife. Are you on Fetlife?

        • No, I’m not on fetlife. I wouldn’t have time for another online thing… sigh

  3. Here is the original essay. I am not putting it on my blog, because I don’t want people on Fetlife to find me.

    I have a real question here in regards to copyrights and “borrowing” other people’s work.

    Let me preface this by stating, I think it is in poor taste to post anyone’s pictures on Fetlife without their express permission, if you do not own those pictures. Period. Yes, it is also stealing.

    I am into bondage; I gravitate towards bondage themed pics. I see a ton of pictures posted on Tumbler and Pinterest that obviously don’t belong to the people posting the pics. I am also big into the blogging community and I have learned more about BDSM and D/s from reading other people’s erotica, than I have anywhere else (with the exception of personal play time here at home).

    The rule of thumb around the blogosphere is…if you are going to feature someone else’s art or photography or quote their work, then you should fully credit them and link back to them whenever possible. My understanding is if you are not using their work to make money, then you are not infringing on any copyright laws. I’m sure I am over simplifying the matter.

    Most of the people I know in the blogosphere are artists. They are writers, poets, painters, photographers, and many of my acquaintances are kinky. They all seem to understand how it feels to have their own work stolen, so they are rather careful about crediting the work of others when they feature it for whatever reason. They are also pretty good about schooling those around them who are not crediting the work of others, even if those people aren’t trying to pass off that work as their own. There is a right way and a wrong way of doing things.
    My questions for the artists who create this work…

    If someone else finds your work so fascinating that they want to share it with others on the internet for no other purpose than passing on the beauty of your work by word of mouth, then what is wrong with that? Please don’t jump down my throat, if anyone even answers this. Bondage and Kink are so hush hush in many parts of the US. Fetlife was a gateway point for me joining the BDSM community, but not everyone finds Fetlife. Some stumble upon BDSM on Tumbler or Pinterest or via Blogging.

    Some of you are the heroes of the up and coming BDSM community. If the equivalent of “Youtube” helps to put your fans in touch with you, then why are you so against it? Do you think they are going to go looking for Joe Blow on Pinterest if they want to see more work by “Name your favorite Rigger”? No, the people of substance will see that person’s name credited and they will hopefully delve deeper. They will want to see more and when they do, they will come looking for you.

    I agree, copying is HIGHLY annoying and it has happened to me too, but how much of it can you control and how much do you have to chalk up to flattery?

    To everyone who has commented on this writing, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and others. I never expected so many artists to step in and offer their opinions. I am quite touched all of you have taken the time to do so.

    I think the discussion has taken on a life of its own, which is a good thing overall. Diversity in opinion is healthy and many of the people who have commented have very strong opinions. I will share a few of mine, although I want to stress that my opinions are strictly my own.

    Several people have made a point of stating why they think posting other people’s pictures on their personal Fetlife profile is bad, against site rules, in poor taste, and so on. I AGREE!! For me that was never up for debate, nor was that part of the original intent of this post. (IMO) Fetlife is like Facebook, but for kinky people. I would never go on a stranger’s (or anyone’s) Facebook page, snip their profile picture, and add it to my own Facebook page. I know there are many people on Fetlife who do just that and they are posers. If that is the best someone can come up with for personal profile pics, then I think that is pretty pathetic. That is my opinion and that has always been my opinion on the matter.

    At one time I had quite a few personal pictures of myself posted on Fetlife, but I eventually took them down for the simple reason that once you post something on the internet, you do lose a certain amount of control over that image. Whether that is right or wrong, it is a fact of life.

    The general consensus amongst the people who this post was geared towards seems to be: if you want to repost a picture of someone’s art work off of Fetlife, then you should privately message them and ask for their permission. Although this seems obvious to the people creating the work, the people who are sharing the work are missing that point. I don’t think that everyone who passes on the artwork of others via whatever medium is intentionally trying to disrespect the creator of the work. I think many are simply ignorant of the common courtesies that artists expect from their fans.

    Removing a watermark is wrong.
    Artists and models should always be acknowledged.
    Sites should be linked back to so that people wanting to learn more can have access to the artists.

    After blogging for the last year, I don’t like to pull any pics off of Fet, because they are private pics and I would not want someone to post my pics. But not everyone feels that way about it.

    On that note…many of the people who are sharing professional pictures off of Fetlife are fans of your work. They are paying homage to you and that is unfortunately being overlooked. These fans are being called thieves, when in fact they are the very individuals who are trying to be supportive of you. No, I am not talking about the opportunists who are swiping pics to post on paid porn sites. That is a clear violation of copyright infringement and they should be held accountable for breaking the law.

    Whatever your opinion is about Twitter, Tumbler, Youtube, Pinterest, or the blogging community, IMO it is naïve to think that anyone who creates artwork is going to be exempt from appearing on these sites. In some circles, the bloggers and tweeters and posters are valued as an important source of free publicity. If you are your own brand and you are trying to build a reputation for yourself, then social networking can be your friend. Think about all of the people who are paying to see you perform at the various events and expos. Did they all find you on Fetlife or your personal website? How many of them found you because of word of mouth? How many of them found you on Tumbler or a blog or any of the other numerous internet sources?

    The internet has changed the world of BDSM for the better. It has given newbies more avenues and resources to use while trying to start their own journey. Your work is your own, but it also helps to legitimize our world to the vanilla world. Talking about kink and having it available in the mainstream helps all of us to live in a world with less judgments and bias against us for our life choices. If your personal work helps to make the world a little more kink friendly and kink accessible, then isn’t that worth it?

    I am not defending copyright infringement.
    I am not defending idiots who pass off other people’s scene pics as their own.
    I am not defending people disrespecting your hard work.

    I am simply trying to acknowledge the realities of life and some of the benefits that come with the tradeoffs.

    • I think that is well stated argument. It’s the exact same argument that file sharing of music had. The results of file sharing music has been that more music is being purchased. In other words, sharing the work encourages more custom of the content providers. Sharing without attribution is just wrong.

      • Thank you on the well stated argument. That is a valued complement coming from someone as rooted in logic as you are. I will have to email you all of the comments when I am not writing on my kindle. Mainly artists responded, some are minor celebrities in some kink circles, and they had a lot to say.

        • It is an argument that will not go away until things settle and artists see return for their work being shared. It is a fundamental change in the exchange of goods and how they are sold which was precipitated by the Internet. It won’t be the last one either. The next one up is the argument about the value of libraries….

          • There is a special aspect to this particular topic because it does bring up the idea of kink exposure within the mainstream. Everyone accepts music and books, but most people don’t accept BDSM. How can you consider yourself a shaker and mover in the industry, but be against something that helps to perpetuate the lifestyle in the mainstream? How can they be so blind?

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