Atheist Movement Strategy Group: Emergency Update

I’m blogging this as a public service announcement for the Atheist Community. There has been concern recently among many members that the infighting and disagreements on our platform in an election year could be disastrous for the country and lead to political failure.

We’ve hired several professional analytics and research companies, beginning in June of 2012. Their research will be used to guide us forward in the push to rid the country of religions.

Research Summary:

Pew Research: While their data shows ‘nones’ on the rise and that non-believers are more knowledgeable about religion than believers.

It has been reported that protestants are no longer the majority religious affiliation in the United States

Further, evangelicals are responding to the perceived threat:

Rome’s reactions to the news, amid child rape scandals and a cancer of complicity, is to gather bishops from around the world to do some team building strategy to fortify their fight against gay marriage.

In Other News:

Despite the Catholic Church’s opposition, the Philippine government is set to enact a bill to allow birth control. It appears that despite the church’s demand for jobs, the starving population of the Philippines would rather have sex than work or eat.

What Can Be Done:

I share  your concerns. The truth of the matter is that the grave situation calls for stoic action, and we need that action now. In fact the more that you and I and the Atheist Community sit back and watch the news of religion unfold around the world, the better our situation will become. Our plans have been working:

  • More priests are being convicted for child rape and abuse
  • More priests are being convicted for hiding those child raping beasts
  • Governments around the world are telling the church to shove it when the church says women should stay pregnant and that AIDs is a better sin than condoms.
  • The church watches as 1 billion people are starving and hands out defense of marriage tracts at food lines across the globe.
  • Evangelicals are ridding the world of dangerous witches and their children by axe and fire
  • Muslims are shooting young women in the face, arresting autistic children, and demanding that crappy movies be removed from Youtube, demonstrating their hurt feelings by killing innocent diplomats.

Yes, the plans of the Atheist Community are working. Religion is imploding and we haven’t done anything. Writing, vlogging, talking, and most importantly, waiting was the best plan we could have ever come up with. The destruction of organized religion is imminent. It’s all thanks to your hard work.

Finally, I want to thank the Atheist community for doing so much to cut off the hands of the religions that are strangling society today. If the Atheist community ever got organized, we could finally put religion in the ground where it belongs. I intend to bring a motion before the group at next Year’s annual Thursday night meeting. I’ll need your support.

Dear reader:

What is your favorite charitable cause, and why?

What causes do you give time, resource, money to and why?

Please also specify your preferred label: atheist, agnostic, christian etc.

I personally give money to the water projects, and the micro loan projects. I think this puts a stronger footing for nascent communities to push forward. I also donate to various charities who are directly helping starving communities. I won’t mention which at this point, rather I will solicit your contributions of favorite charities without tainting the list with mine to start out with.

If your explanation is convincing, I’ll donate $25 toward that charity. I’d really like to hear what people are passionate about with regard to charitable giving.

Finally (again) Thanks for comenting.

  1. This vlog (sic) was so convincing it was hard to tell exactly how far your tongue was into your cheek…. As to charities, I only donate to children’s research and treatment organizations, especially for cancer.

    • write=blog youtube=vlog, I should have said blog/vlog – anyway, thanks for seeing the tongue in cheek. I wasn’t sure how that post would go over. It was kind of all over the place. I might have to rip off The Onion format next time 🙂

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