Random Things – World Peace and Laughing Cow Cheese

Yes, I put both of those in the same sentence. Let me explain.

Without harmony there can be no world wide peace. Unhappiness with the Laughing Cow Cheese consumption experience leads to disharmony … thus preventing world peace. Undoubtedly this is a tragedy of biblical propo0rtions unfolding in households across the globe. The misery of this tragedy surely touches the hearts and minds of all of humanity. But what can we do?

Never Fear

I have decided that after much thought, soul searching (I didn’t find one), and (let’s face it) thorough examination of my commitment to humanity, that I will deliver unto you, my readers, the secret to happiness while eating Laughing Cow Cheese. There, I said it. Wow, that feels liberating. I’m free. I can get this dark secret off my chest at last. I should have done this decades ago. Yes, I know I owe an apology to Afghanistan and Rwanda and most of the Arab world. Mea culpa.

It’s a 12 step program so you may want to get a pen and paper to write this down. I’ll wait….

Minutes pass…. for those of you sharing a pen, don’t fret. I’m selling DVD’s in the hallway after my presentation.

Okay, you soldiers of harmony, let’s begin our march toward world peace.

Step One

Open the Laughing Cow box using the distinctive red pull string. Opening the box without using the pull string is generally (in the appropriate elitist cheesy circles) considered a crime against humanity. So be careful with your string. Then remove a wedge of world peace from the box, like so:

NOTE: For those pedants among us, you must remove the Laughing Cow Cheese box from the refrigerator prior to step one. It is also useful to prepare a clean work surface in or near your kitchen, though when caught in a bind you might find that a 3-ring binder, a lunch table, or even the boss’ quarterly report will suffice. Be judicious in your use of that last one.

Step Two

Turn your wedge of world peace upside down and carefully peel back the flap of foil from the underside of the front of the wedge. This flap contains the all important red plastic pull string. This step is crucial, so take your time so that you get all of the flap up away from the main wrapper as shown in the picture. Quick, grab a napkin and wipe your lips, you’re salivating everywhere already.

Step Three

While carefully holding your wedge of world peace, gently pull on the flap until it slowly tears away from the main body of wrapping, as shown in the picture. The flap of foil surrounding the red pull string should now be attached at only one small portion of the upper side of the pointy corner of the wedge.

NOTE: If you have already screwed up immediately go to your computer and write an email to the UN apologizing for creating more disharmony in the world and pledge to eat more Laughing Cow Cheese to help increase the chances of world peace.

Step Four

On the rounded face/side of the wedge of world peace you can observe that each corner has a flap of foil which is folded over and wrapped around the rounded edge. This makes the next steps quite tricky unless you have fingernails of some quality.

Perhaps this is why women are seen to be the peacemakers? Secretly using their cosmetics to right the wrongs of the world? This is clearly unfair to manly-man men.

Carefully unwrap the flap on the left rounded corner so that it sticks out like a small aerofoil surface on a sleek space craft…. that has been damaged by micrometeorites. Be sure to get as much of the foil flap away from the main body of wrapping as possible. Ask a female friend for help if your nails are not quite up to the task. Of course she’ll help, this is for world peace, damnit!

Step Five

Now repeat step four on the right hand rounded corner. If you have done this correctly you will now have a cheese filled model of a sleek space craft. What could be better than that? Yeah, I know, a whole space station full of Laughing Cow Cheese… but that’s getting off script.

Step Six

Carefully, slowly, pull back on each of the rear wings of your space craft until they peel away from the main body of cheese wrapping and look much like the flap at the nose of your space craft. Remember to do them one wing at a time – Rome was not built in a day. This is for world peace, take your time and do it right.

Step Seven

Gently turn your space craft right side up on your ‘clean work surface’ and pulling gently on the tab at the pointy end, peel back on the red pull string so that the wrapper begins to open, revealing the creamy vision of world peace hiding inside.

Obviously your space craft is no longer flight ready. Shut up! You, I can see you, put that light sabre away.

Step Eight

Continue gently pulling on the red pull string until the rear rounded surface is exposed. Note how little of the creamy goodness is helplessly stuck to the wrapper at this point.

Use the napkin to wipe your lips again already. Sheeesh!

Step Nine

Now, with the careful steadfastness normally seen only in bomb disposal crews, slowly peel the sides of the wrapper away from your precious wedge of world peace so that it now begins to look like a Mars rover after landing. Now is a good time to stop and take a picture to post in the comments demonstrating your skill and efforts for world peace.

Step Ten

This part is particularly tricky, so practice, go slow, ask for help if you need it.

Slowly flip the cheese wedge over until it is lying on the top triangle of the wrapper. Be neat and careful here. It’s terribly embarrassing to be caught licking the counter to get the cheese off. Remember my comments about the boss’ quarterly reports.

Step Eleven

This is the step that you have been waiting for: Devour that wedge like a 6 year old with a plate full of rapidly cooling smores!

Do not hesitate. Gold medal Olympians are known to use the ‘whole wedge in one bite, pointy part first’ method. If you’re still new to creating world peace with Laughing Cow Cheese, it is permissible to take more than one bite, but remember, the longer that it sits in your fingers the more cheese you will have to suck off of them. It’s a tricky balance but in the end the method chosen is completely up to you. Well, if you don’t believe in free will, then I’m willing you to simply jam that thing in your mouth till it slams up against your tonsils and swallow it whole!

Notice how little of the cheese is stuck to the wrapper? If you have cheese stuck to the wrapper you must sit down at your computer immediately and write to the UN. See the note in step three above.

Step Twelve

You thought you were done? Say what?

Now, repeat steps two through eleven for each remaining wedge of world piece in the box. DO IT NOW! This is for world peace, there is no point saving some for later.

 

There. I’ve done it. You can thank me for world peace in the comments.
Please feel free to send us a comment or picture that demonstrates your skills with Laughing Cow Cheese!

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  1. Thank you. I laughed. I also once killed a man for opening his Laughing Cow Cheese wedge without using the red string. I will say though, Laughing Cow Cheese was once the only reason I thought there might be a god. The day I found out it was made by mere mortals is the day I lost my faith.

    • That’s awesome. Proper punishment for misuse of the red pull string, IMO. I nearly spit beer at the last sentence 🙂 Happy Friday

  2. Alas, that here in Italy we have no Laughing Cow Cheese! Perhaps Milkana will be a good alternative?

    • oh? Well, I shall write to the UN and demand that the people of the EU be exposed! LOL
      This is a serious issue for world peace. Let me see what I can do

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