How To Convert An Atheist…

Do you snow? Bored?
Do ewes no bored n ants, or May bee intents? Ewe no white eye … mean girls? Just a position. Incite ought. Ewe dew sea? Write? The-rapist calms yore fears. Seriously, they are just words and can sometimes mean confusing things. Despite that, trust me when I say that I do not believe in gods or deities, that is exactly what I mean. I do not mean that:

  • I am angry at god, especially your god
  • I just want to be able to sin, I’m a law abiding citizen and I like it that way
  • I believe in some deist version of god, I mean NO deities or gods or supernatural entities
  • I simply have not heard your telling of the story yet
  • I worship the devil – an invention of the Christian god
  • I just don’t go to church regularly
  • I hate the holiday season
  • I have no morals
  • I am confused and need your help or information to experience your god in the right way
  • Something bad happened in my life so I blame your god, or any god
  • I would like to spend time talking with you to learn more about your god. I’ve heard it already
  • I simply need an updated version of your holy book

As an atheist, I know the following:

  • Everyone who came before you have all miserably failed to provide compelling scientific evidence to support the claim that supernatural being(s) exist.
  • Prayer or talking to your god is no different than a young child talking with an invisible, yet non-existent, friend.
  • It is worrying that people of faith (people who are deluded with superstition) are flying planes, running nuclear power plants and caring for weapons of mass destruction, garnering votes, raising money to infest our educational systems, and generally seeking positions of societal power.

What you need to know before proselytizing to an atheist If you feel the need to witness or proselytize to an atheist there are a few recommended prerequisites which you may not be aware of:

  1. Know your holy book better than they do. Atheists know a lot about it so make sure you read it cover to cover… several times. The more times you read it the better off you will be. It is likely that they will quote scripture to you.
  2. Know the holy books of other religions. Atheists know a lot about them too. At least know the basics of what is in the books and the basic tenants of those other religions. Atheists view all religions equally and will call on you to explain why your faith is correct and other faiths are not.
  3. Know astrology. Yes, that astrology. There are many astrology websites, so there is no excuse for not learning about it. Do not forget to learn the history of astrology. Astrology has been part of society for far longer than your faith has.
  4. Know logic and reason. There are many websites about logical and reasoned argument. Read a few of them. No, Seriously, read as many as you need till you understand. Repeat this process often.
  5. Know history. Not the history from your holy book, but the history that academic historians study and teach. Study world history all the way back to Sumeria and before.
  6. Know mythology of ancient peoples. Not just Norse gods, all of them. Start with Mithra, Inanna, Horus, Osiris etc.
  7. Know ancient religions and the time-line of religious thought. You should know who Zoroaster was. What the code of Hammurabi is, who Horus and Mithra were.
  8. Know geology, cosmology, general science, linguistics, biology and the theories of evolution, gravity, and special relativity, string theory, and be able to explain why/how time differs from north pole to equatorial mountain top.
  9. Know at least the basics of modern philosophy. Again, there are many websites to help you there.
  10. Atheists have put a lot of time into learning about the world and forming their world view. Have the courtesy to have done at least as much as they have before trying to tell them they are mistaken and confused.
Know the big arguments. There are common arguments for and against the existence of god(s), deities, and supernatural beings. You will want to be able to speak intelligently on each of these arguments if you are to communicate well with atheists. You can start at the Philosophy of Religion site.
Finally, I think the thing that you need to know is that you won’t convince me, I must do that myself. All you can do is present convincing argument and evidence. Of course, if you have compelling, testable, scientific evidence that your god exists rather than the myriad other possible gods, present it. Just don’t pout when I explain to you why it’s neither evidence nor compelling.
Yes, I think you’re wasting your life. Yes, I think your faith is corrosive to society. Yes, nothing you’ve heard in your church will be new or compelling to me. But, go on, if you have something new to say I want to hear.
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